DAVE RAMSEY

Dave Ramsey says: My wife thinks she owes me money

Feb 27, 2024, 1:20 PM

Couple sits at table, seemingly planning out life....

Learn how to address feelings of guilt and indebtedness, and build a stronger union through shared perspectives. (Pexels File photo)

(Pexels File photo)

Dear Dave,

My wife and I have been married for nine months, and we’ve been following your Baby Steps plan for three months. We have about $50,000 in debt, and I recently cashed out an old whole life policy that enabled us to pay off $22,000 of our debt. My wife still feels weird about us doing that, since the money paid off all the student loan debt she accumulated before we got married but none of the debt I brought to the marriage. I look at everything as ours, not mine and hers. What can I do about her sense of guilt and feeling indebted to me?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

This isn’t an uncommon thing in situations like yours. But more than feeling indebted to someone or experiencing a sense of guilt or shame, it’s really a discussion about differing views of marriage.

You’re never in debt to your spouse. You should be all in where your husband or wife is concerned. Remember the vows? For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. If she makes you chicken soup when you’re sick, does she charge you for it? Of course not. When you get married, you agree to take on each other’s burdens. Once you walk down the aisle with someone, you’re choosing to serve each other. You’re also choosing to take on each other’s debt, each other’s income, each other’s assets and each other’s crazy parents. Everything!

It all boils down to having a shared view of a proper marriage relationship. And the proper (and biblical) view is we own everything. There’s no mine and yours anymore. Now, you can’t make her feel—or not feel—a certain way. But you can ask her questions to understand where she’s coming from and what blockers are keeping her from being totally together in this. Talk about it. Put your heads together and practice thinking about your marriage as a union.

It will take some encouragement from you and some getting used to on her part, but if you work together, it’s a muscle you can grow and develop together!

—Dave

ENDORSEMENTS

Dave Ramsey

Living with roommates can quickly become difficult if one person doesn't live up to their financial...

Dave Ramsey

Dave says: It isn’t easy addressing late payments with your roommate

Living with roommates can quickly become difficult if one person doesn't live up to their financial promises. Here are best tips from Dave Ramsey.

6 days ago

A small business owner wants his company to have more passionate leaders. (File photo: Tim Douglas/...

Dave Ramsey

Dave Ramsey says: Should a small business owner plug in or promote from within?

A man who owns a small business with around 20 employees tells Dave Ramsey he wants to promote two people to the next level.

9 days ago

what to do when rent increases and parents offer to let you live with them...

Dave Ramsey

Dave Ramsey says: Parents of adults should provide a safety net, not a hammock

Should a woman and her husband who are $80,000 in debt move in with her parents? Here's what Dave Ramsay says.

13 days ago

Learn how to wisely invest and enjoy the inheritance while securing a financially stable future. (P...

Dave Ramsey

Dave says: As the older sibling, you can teach your younger sibling a lot

In this heartfelt letter, Dave Ramsey offers indispensable advice to Davis on guiding his teenage sister through a substantial inheritance.

20 days ago

This week's article discusses what could happen if you accept a loan from a family member. (Pexels ...

Dave Ramsey

Dave says: Should you accept your in-law’s offer to pay off your mortgage?

This week's article delves into the pros and cons of repaying family loans. While it may seem convenient, it's often advisable to avoid owing money to family members.

27 days ago

In this week's article, Dave talks about how to tackle a difficult family situation while not getti...

Dave Ramsey

Dave says: How to navigate tough times with love and understanding

In this week's article, Dave talks about how to tackle a difficult family situation while not getting on anyone's bad side.

1 month ago

Sponsored Articles

...

DESERT INSTITUTE FOR SPINE CARE

Desert Institute for Spine Care is the place for weekend warriors to fix their back pain

Spring has sprung and nothing is better than March in Arizona. The temperatures are perfect and with the beautiful weather, Arizona has become a hotbed for hikers, runners, golfers, pickleball players and all types of weekend warriors.

...

Collins Comfort Masters

Here’s 1 way to ensure your family is drinking safe water

Water is maybe one of the most important resources in our lives, and especially if you have kids, you want them to have access to safe water.

...

Fiesta Bowl Foundation

The 51st annual Vrbo Fiesta Bowl Parade is excitingly upon us

The 51st annual Vrbo Fiesta Bowl Parade presented by Lerner & Rowe is upon us! The attraction honors Arizona and the history of the game.

Dave Ramsey says: My wife thinks she owes me money