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What we learned from the 2013 Oscars

All right, tell the truth. You kept score Sunday night during the Academy Awards show didn’t you?

Some of your favorites lost. That film you hated won. It’s the Kentucky Derby with borrowed jewelry.

The Oscar race is now so competitive, so universally watched, that it’s got a special place with Vegas wagering. But no matter what you thought of the Academy’s choices or whether host Seth MacFarlane is the new Johnny Carson or simply a black-tie Beavis and Butthead, the question that needs to be asked is: What did you learn from the movies of 2013?

The lesson to be learned from “The Life of Pi” is fairly clear: It is far less dangerous to be alone on a raft with a Bengal tiger than to travel anywhere on Carnival cruise lines.

“Lincoln” proved that all humans are created equal, with the exception of Congress.

If you saw “Silver Linings Playbook,” you arrived at this profound conclusion: If you want to wind up with the sexiest man of the year, sleep with everyone in the office.

And finally, the moral of “Les Miserables:” If you want a loaf of bread, for God’s sake, just go to Safeway.

I’m Pat McMahon.