DAVE RAMSEY

Dave Ramsey says: Help prepare stepdaughter for real world

Apr 2, 2019, 11:30 AM | Updated: 4:59 pm
(Pexels.com Photo)...
(Pexels.com Photo)
(Pexels.com Photo)

Dear Dave,

I’m getting married this summer and about to become a stepfather, but my fiancee’s daughter from a previous marriage seems very irresponsible.

She’s 20 and lives at home, has trouble holding a job, and she doesn’t really want to work. When she doesn’t have money to make her car payment, she seems to expect her mom to pay it for her.

My fianceé and I both agree that she’s been too lenient with her in the past, but she doesn’t want to suddenly pull the rug out from under her.

How do you think we should approach this situation?

— Kendall

Dear Kendall,

Marriage counselors say you have a good chance of having a successful marriage if you’re in agreement on four things—religion, money, children, and in-laws.

So, first things first. I’d strongly suggest you and your fiancee go through pre-marital counseling to make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to handling this and other issues.

If you and her mom really want to show her you love her, you’ll make sure she starts learning some character and discipline.

And it’s very important that both of you are on the same page and in agreement every step of the way.

You might also want to read a book together by Dr. Henry Cloud called “Boundaries.” This is a great book, and it will give you both several ideas for creating a reasonable timeline aimed at teaching her more responsibility.

I would advise letting her mom present any changes to her initially. Neither of you wants to create a scenario where you’re viewed as the bad guy.

Let her mom start the process by explaining that she made a few mistakes in terms of teaching her more about personal responsibility and self-reliance when she was younger. Then, she can begin to lay out the first few rules and expectations.

In my mind, there’s nothing wrong with requiring her to get a job within 30 days if she doesn’t already have one.

If she needs to go job hunting, make sure she’s out of bed and on the road no later than 8 a.m. every morning.

During this first phase, looking for work every day should be her job.

It wouldn’t be a bad idea to start teaching her about budgeting, saving, and everything else that goes into handling money responsibly during this time, too.

Next, phase two might consist of requiring her to help around the house doing chores on her days off, or whenever mom needs a hand.

Then, after a month or two of this, phase three might consist of her paying a small amount in rent.

Do you see what I’m doing?

By stepping up the expectations gradually you’re building a foundation so she’ll have the tools and knowledge to where, in the sixth or seventh month, she’s moving out and taking care of her own responsibilities.

Like an adult!

— Dave

Dave Ramsey

(Pixabay Photo)...
Dave Ramsey

Dave Ramsey says: Decide together on inheritance division issue

Giving someone money because you think it will enhance or save a relationship is a really bad idea.
24 hours ago
(Pexels Photo)...
George Kamel

Do-over New Year is another chance to reach 2022 money goals

Personal finance is a marathon, not a sprint. And if you keep your eye on the prize, you can still reach your goals even this far into the year.
3 days ago
(Pixabay Photo)...
Dave Ramsey

Dave Ramsey says: Do the math and sell car instead of taking on expensive repair

If you take the value of the car as-is, plus the repair and the number you come up with is more than the value of the car after it’s fixed, don’t repair the car.
8 days ago
(Pixabay Photo)...
Dave Ramsey

Dave Ramsey says: Gambling won’t produce consistent financial success

You might see a news story once in a while about someone winning big money in a casino, but that almost never happens.
15 days ago
(Pexels Photo)...
Dave Ramsey

Dave Ramsey says: Couple with baby should marry, combine finances

It’s very difficult, legally and relationally, to play house financially when you’re not married. Marriage will combine incomes and lives, Dave Ramsey says.
22 days ago
(Unsplash Photo)...
Kristina Ellis

If it’s right for you, no-loan college may be answer to student-debt crisis

Is no-loan college the answer to student-loan debt? Here's a look at the pros and cons of the idea, along with some tips to avoid student debt.
24 days ago

Sponsored Articles

...
CANVAS ANNUITY

Best retirement savings rates hit 4.30%

Maximize your retirement savings with guaranteed fixed rates up to 4.30%. Did you know there is a financial product that can give you great interest rates as you build your retirement savings and provide you with a paycheck for life once you retire? It might sound too good to be true but it is not; this product is called an annuity.
...
Day & Night Air

Tips to lower your energy bill in the Arizona heat

Does your summer electric bill make you groan? Are you looking for effective ways to reduce your bill?
...
Christina O’Haver

BE FAST to spot a stroke

Every 40 seconds—that’s how often someone has a stroke in the United States. It’s the fifth leading cause of death among Americans, with someone dying of a stroke every 3.5 minutes.
Dave Ramsey says: Help prepare stepdaughter for real world