How to (kindly) ask people not to post your kids on social media

A 27-year-old grad student was just caught using pics of real kids on the internet to make AI child porn for pedophiles. Even more disgusting? He worked by request. This story made my skin crawl, and it brings me to a question I’ve been getting more and more often:

“Kim, I don’t want pictures of my kids on social media. How do I tell friends and family not to post them without sounding preachy?”

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Your kids, your rules

You’re totally justified in wanting your kids’ faces off the web. It’s a fact creeps scan public accounts looking for kids to prey on. It’s also easier than ever for pedophiles to pose as a kid and groom your child on Snapchat, Roblox — you name it.

There’s also this: Posting your kids to Facebook or Instagram basically gives Meta the thumbs-up for using those images to train their AI models. The law is way behind here. As a parent, it’s up to you to protect your kids.

Related: Stop Facebook from using your data to train AI

Keep things drama-free

Save yourself an awkward situation by telling people before a big get-together. Most folks mean well, but they might not know the risks of sharing kids’ photos online, especially if they’re not parents themselves.

• It’s about you, not them. This is for your kids. Use “I” and “we” statements, and don’t tell anyone else how to parent.
• Share your reasoning. Or just send them a link to this story!
• Be clear and firm. Don’t leave any wiggle room on public posting.
• Do it one-on-one. If you have the convo over email or text, do it privately, not in a group message.

I wrote up an example you can copy:

“Hey, I wanted to let you know ahead of time we’d like to keep photos of the kids off the internet for privacy and safety reasons. (We saw some stories that really spooked us!) If you could avoid putting pics of them on social media, we’d really appreciate it!”

Related: The secret to get better pics of you and your family

If it’s already posted …

Don’t panic. Reach out ASAP and ask them to remove it with a link to the specific post. I’d go with a text; a comment on a public post feels like you’re calling them out.

Use this: “Hey, I totally forgot to mention this, but we’re keeping pictures of the kids offline for now. Could you take this post down or repost it with their faces hidden? An emoji works great! 😎 Here’s what Mark Zuckerberg does.”

Related: Posting pics of kids on social media: Do’s and don’ts

The safest way to share pics with friends?

Not sharing photos of your kids publicly doesn’t have to mean not sharing at all. My suggestion: Make an invite-only album for close family and friends.

In Google Photos:

You can do this on your phone or computer. Just open the Google Photos app or website.

• On a computer: Click Photos and select one you want to share. At the top, click the + icon > Shared album > New shared album. Add a title, then hit Share. You can choose Create link, search for contacts or share on social media.
• On mobile: Tap the + icon > Album. Name your album and add the photos you want to share. Select Get Link to generate a private link, add specific email addresses, or share through a messaging app or social media.

Final step: Make sure the Link Sharing toggle is off for maximum privacy, so only invited users can view the album.

In Apple Photos:

You can create and share on your iPhone, iPad or Mac using the Photos app. First, you need to enable Shared Albums.

• On iPhone or iPad: Go to Settings > [your name] > iCloud > Photos, then turn on Shared Albums.
• On a Mac: Open the Photos app. From the menu bar at the top, choose Photos > Settings. (In macOS Monterey or earlier, choose Photos > Preferences.) Select the iCloud tab, then Shared Albums.

Now create and share your album.

• ● On Mac or iPhone/iPad running iOS 18: In Photos, scroll down to Shared Albums > Shared Albums > Create. Add a name, images and then choose people from your contacts, type an email address or add iMessage phone number. Tap Done.
• ● On iOS 17 or earlier: Go to Albums > + (add button) > New Shared Album. Add a name, images and then choose people from your contacts, type an email address or add iMessage phone number.

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