Dave Ramsey says: Be realistic and honest about everything when preparing for marriage

Dear Dave,

I recently got engaged. My fiancée and I live separately, and we don’t own any mutual property, but we are thinking about practicing putting our money together on the same budget.

We’re not going to literally combine our money yet, but we thought it would be a good idea to get some experience doing this together before we’re married. What do you think?

Brock

How honesty is important when financially preparing for marriage?

Dear Brock,

I think that’s a great idea! But, after you’ve practiced and pretended that your money is combined, you shouldn’t go pay any of her bills and she shouldn’t pay any of yours until you two are officially husband and wife.

Now, once you’re married, all the bills – and any of the debt – will become our bills and our debt. The same is true of our income, our problems and our solutions. Get what I’m saying? You’ll be combining everything at that point, and having practiced that, you’ll be better in a better place.

I will warn you against one thing when you two are practicing your budget. Don’t live in a fantasy world. Be very honest, and very realistic about everything – even if facing the truth is uncomfortable. And listen to each other. One of the biggest lessons when doing a budget with your spouse, or future spouse, is learning how to let the other person have input and win sometimes.

Learning to back off a little, and letting the other person have a say, is crucial. That’s a great thing to practice before marriage. Make sure you’re having a discussion, a give-and-take when you’re practicing your budget, because it’ll be a part of the real thing once you’re married.

You know, doing a budget together is good practice for learning how to give and take in all the other areas of married life, as well. You’ll be sitting down and agreeing on where every dollar goes before the month begins. And that sets a good foundation for you to start envisioning and agreeing on your goals and dreams.

So, practicing is good for now. And pretending to pay all the bills on paper is a great idea. But remember, you pay your own bills – and she pays hers – until you’re married.

Congratulations! And may God bless you both.

— Dave

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