My house is a ‘no-go’ for playdates and I couldn’t be happier

Over the weekend, I was listening to some of our hosts talk about playdates.

For those of you without kids, a playdate is a forced — I mean arranged — play meeting. These playdates are set up by the parents of the respective attendees.

Yes, playdates have replaced the need for kids to actually get off of the couch, ride their bikes to their friend’s house and ask if their friend can come out and play.

I HATE playdates.

Anyway, back to the conversation.

The discussion was basically a how-to guide for parents wanting to break into the playdate game.

You see, there is an interview process that needs to take place before a parent can unwrap the bubble wrap from little Timmy or Susie and allow them to escape the safe confines of their home.

Yes, an interview process.

The interview begins with simple questions about times, locations and activities; seems like some common sense, logistical questions.

Then things take a turn for the worse!

I guess there are red flags when it comes to friends’ homes that we parents need to steer clear of.

As I heard the red flags, I came to a startling-yet-welcome fact: My house is a no-go when it comes to playdates!

I came to find out that my home is veritable playdate death trap!

My home contains all of the following: A pool, a trampoline, dogs and, the big no-no, firearms!

How have my children survived a decade living in this house of terrors?

When we ask parents if they have any of these items in their home during a playdate interview, isn’t that what we are really asking?

“How have your kids survived and why hasn’t child protective services not swooped in and deemed you an unfit parent?”

The good news is that the only kids that make it to my house for playdates have cool parents, aka the type that I would want to hang out with.

Time to toughen up, kids!

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