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Critiquing the campaigns’ ad nauseam advertisements


If the candidates are going to insist on running their political ads — ad nauseam — through Nov. 3, can I ask a small favor?

I realize you’re politicians — so I know better than to ask that you give us honest ads — so all I’m asking for is this: coherent commercials. Or at least ones that make voters want to vote for ya.

Our first instance is the Joe Biden ad that I’ve seen the most. It’s the one that ends with him looking directly into the camera, and saying, “Do your job, Mr. President!”

No, Joe! If Donald Trump does his job, doesn’t that preclude you from getting his job?

I mean, really, it’s just weird to give away the game plan to your opponent.

But even weirder is this Trump ad:

Wow. My eyes hurt. Was that an ad – or an acid trip?

Kamala Harris’ maniacal laughter might make for a good Halloween sound effect to play on my porch – but this is not a good campaign commercial.

Now, a little local advice for none other than U.S. Senate candidate Mark Kelly.

The Democrat from Arizona doesn’t need to throw out this commercial – he just needs to rework it so his resume appears in the right order:

In My Blood

The importance of public service has been ingrained in me since I was a kid. I watched my parents serve our community as police officers. I heard stories about my grandfather's work as a firefighter after serving our country in World War II. My family’s legacy in public service inspired me to join the Navy and NASA all those years ago. I never planned to run for Senate, but public service is in my blood.

Posted by Captain Mark Kelly on Saturday, September 12, 2020

I don’t mean to besmirch the training of your teen years, Capt. Kelly — but even if my arm was hanging on by a solitary vein after a traffic crash, a past me would’ve still asked that grown-up paramedics show up to supervise before letting the Emergency Medical Twin Teens treat me.

It might be a different (hypothetical) story if I had a (hypothetical) crystal ball and could see your four future space flights and 39 Desert Storm sorties (which are mentioned in your current ad).

But if I had a crystal ball, I would’ve (hypothetically) also doled out some future political advice on the side of that road: List “Teen EMT” a little farther down on your resume, Mark – or at least after the Navy and NASA.

Arizona's Morning News

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