Bernie Sanders’ Rally in the Valley was no proud moment for locals

As Bernie Sanders thanked his supporters last night at Veterans Memorial Coliseum in Phoenix, they returned the love — and the thanks.

But by the end of Bernie’s Rally in the Valley, I was saying “Thanks a lot!” in my most sarcastic voice because the Valley of the Chuckleheads also made an appearance. The “special people” were out in droves, working their butts off to make Arizona look like a state full of a buncha racist, (literally) falling-down drunks.

Let’s start with this twit: Immediately after Sanders hit the stage, a man unfurled a Nazi flag behind the Jewish presidential candidate. Bernie saw it before it was pulled down and said, “I think they are a little outnumbered tonight.”

Boy, I wish he (or a media outlet or two) would’ve said that Nazis are vastly outnumbered every night in Arizona. 

Either way, the jack-booted boob got the boot.

It was an all-around bad night for security. 

A drunk woman ditched her motorized scooter on the coliseum’s concourse and was crawling on the floor when a security officer tried to help her up – and she bit his arm.

I bet that security guard is hoping she doesn’t have coronavirus. But even if she doesn’t, we should still make her wear a mask — a Hannibal Lecter one so she can’t gnaw on people.

But how ’bout my colleagues in the media? I’m so proud.

When Sanders’ motorcade pulled over in a neighborhood on the way to his rally, Bernie got out and walked down the sidewalk! 

Stop the presses! (Or the WordPress, or whatever.)

TV choppers circled overhead while everybody asked, “Why is he walking?!?” Then, “Wait! Breaking Bernie news! Ron, I can confirm that he’s — talking — on —  a — phone!” 

I’m surprised they didn’t use their telephoto lens to try to read his lips.

They didn’t have to because ABC15’s Steve Irvin got all the answers. His one-on-one with Bernie moments later didn’t start with a question about a single-payer health care system or the cost for Sanders’ proposed free child care for all. 

No, we were apparently all on pins and needles about, “Who were you on the phone with while you were walking around that neighborhood?” After teasing Irvin about his answer being an exclusive and asking if he’s an investigative reporter, Bernie answered, “My wife.”

In all fairness to Steve, maybe he was hoping to hear Bernie was was chatting up Sen. Elizabeth Warren for a cabinet position in exchange for her endorsement.

Or maybe Steve experienced something I did years ago when a boss made me ask Democratic nominee John Kerry what his favorite ketchup was. Because — he’s married to Teresa Heinz. (That’s the official lowlight of my career.)

Hey Phoenix media: In a little over a week, media from all over will descend on Arizona to see the very first one-on-one Democratic debate of the 2020 election season. 

If we can’t resist acting bush league while Bernie and Joe Biden are both here, can we at least also spend some valuable airtime assuring our visitors that we’re not a state full of flesh-eating Nazis who ride their motorized scooters through the liquor store drive-thru? 

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