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Have no fear, Dennis Rodman is here

Please, please relax. If you’ve been feeling stressed and deeply concerned about the recent threat from North Korea’s capability of launching a preemptive nuclear strike against the U.S., fear not.

Our country has been represented this past week by a surprise diplomat: Dennis Rodman. Yes, Rodman the famous NBA rebounder, Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice contestant and perhaps the tallest cross-dresser in contemporary society. He has been in North Korea developing a close relationship with its leader, Un: The Great and Powerful. Kim Jon Un, at the head of a nation that starves its people and threatens both South Korea and the U.S., is described by Rodman as “an awesome guy.”

For that accolade, President Un, a huge Rodman fan, has ordered the entire population of North Korea to have their faces pierced and to take online “English as a second language course” by Rodman and the next American guest of the North Korean government, Nicki Minaj.

I’m Pat McMahon.