Sharper Point: Make it a Phoenix Open to remember

It’s that time of the year when some Valley residents think it’s a great idea to guzzle hard seltzer, get further dehydrated standing in the sun in skimpy clothes, and then try to navigate grass in high heels.

Yay! The Open is here!

The Waste Management Phoenix Open (which is actually played in … Scottsdale?) is the highlight of the year for Valley golf fans. But for those who don’t have an off switch, it can be the year’s lowlight. 

For a special group of attendees, this golf tournament is not attended for the golf – it’s about the PAR-TAY!!

Over the last few years, close to a quarter-million people have shown up annually for what’s known as the “greatest show on grass.” The majority of this year’s throng will be responsible humans there to see great golfers playing great golf.

But if you’re going for the first time, make no mistake: The party people are plentiful. 

So much so, that when Waste Management signed up to be the title sponsor of the Phoenix Open, people couldn’t help making jokes about how they were a perfect sponsor — because of all the people who get trashed there.

If you’re a newbie, the 16th hole is a sight to behold. A stadium full of fans who aren’t quiet at the tee — they just get louder after the swing — and are all too ready to boo a golfer for not landing a ball close enough to the pin for them. In 2010, Ian Poulter reciprocated the crowd jeering him by scratching his nose with his middle finger.

You never know what’ll happen at the 16th Hole.

Or, for that matter, the 17th — where a couple of years ago a guy (lacking the aforementioned off switch) put on his own impromptu stripper/break-dancing show (yes, sans clothing) for several minutes — for several thousand people.

That dude’s “greatest show on grass” might’ve been fueled by a little more than uh, grass … but, hey, he’s got a story to tell his grandkids! Although I’m sure he’ll struggle to remember the blacked-out details — or the entire day.

In all honesty, I was out there getting hammered back in my drinking days. I was even drunk enough a few times to have possibly put on my own Thunder Down Under show. The only evidence I have to the contrary is that I never woke up in the Scottsdale Jail.

And it was a lot of fun. Especially watching the amateurs (the non-alcoholics) trying to hold their liquor. 

I might go back one of these years just to see what the Phoenix Open looks like sober. At least I’ll remember all the people who are worth people watching. And they are in abundance.

I’m not trying to be a wet blanket, by the way. You should go have fun! Enjoy the golf! Enjoy the crazies! And enjoy an adult beverage or two!

Just don’t finish up your day at the Phoenix Open like I used to: drunk and behind the wheel. 

You’ll get caught or, worse yet, kill yourself or somebody else and then you’ll miss all those future Phoenix Opens and future male strippers.

Okay. That last item was not exactly motivation.

Follow @JimSharpe