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As if high schools didn’t smell bad enough

Gym class. Long bus rides. Heck, bad teen hygiene. Blame it on whatever you want, but a lot of kids stink. And it’s about to get worse.

Remind me NOT to visit Freedom High School in Bethlehem, Penn., because school officials just banned Axe body spray at school. Apparently one student had an allergic reaction to the deodorant that required hospitalization and therefore nobody can smell like Anarchy, Cool Metal or God forbid Dark Temptation at the school.

A few questions for the no doubt well-meaning school administrators:

1. How do you know it was the Axe body spray that caused the allergic reaction? Could it have been the liberal amounts of Clearasil or Bonne Bell Lip Smacker (Dr. Pepper flavor is my favorite) that wafts through the halls of every high school in America?

2. Was it a particular scent that caused the allergic reaction? Will some be allowed and only one banned? (PLEASE don’t say Dark Temptation)

3. How will this ban be enforced? Will teachers and staff be trained to sniff out (pun intended) Axe body spray and be able to distinguish it from say, Old Spice or Tag? Because if you leave it to the honor system you may just want to put 9-1-1 on the school’s speed dial.

4. Did it ever dawn on anyone at Freedom High School that the student who is deathly allergic to Axe Body Spray might be the easier problem to fix? I mean, let’s be honest. If Axe sprayed under somebody else’s pits can cause such a severe medical issue, my guess is this student isn’t long for the world, at least not the public world. What’s next, ban Axe at the local mall? Pizza joint?

Of course, I make fun of what is no doubt a serious issue, allergies. My problem is the idea that the rest of us must conform, do without and change our lifestyles to fit each and every condition, allergy and want of others. Call me callous, but if a little deodorant is enough to send you to the emergency room, might I suggest home schooling. Or a bubble.