As a mother, do you feel like a fraud? Maybe you look like you have it all together, but behind closed doors, you wonder, “How will I keep all this up?”
Guess what? You're not alone.
Let’s look at two main reasons you feel like a fraud:
Not enough recognition of success
You focus too much attention on what you're not doing and not enough on what you are doing. Why are you doing this?
No, really, I’m asking you. Why? Does it serve a purpose?
Here's the thing, momma. What you focus on grows. I’m going to say that again. WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWS.
Focus on your success. If you see something you don’t like, write it down and put it in a box called “where I want to improve.” Then, move on. Limit yourself to only one or two “areas for improvement” per day.
You can’t fix everything at once, so stop panicking. Each day, or even just once a week, you are allowed to open that box and figure out some solutions. The rest of the time, show gratitude for your life, your gifts and your productivity by celebrating your successes.
Too much recognition of success
You are a high achiever, and people tend to praise you a lot. You hear compliments like, “You have it all together! You are so patient. How do you do it?”
The problem is that you fear none of this is actually true. Your feel intense pressure to keep up this false perception, or you might feel pressure to prove to yourself that it is true.
The problem is not the compliments — it’s what your brain is doing with them. To you, these statements say, “I value you because you have no flaws,” or something like, “You'd better keep this up. No going back now!”
Now, those are scary thoughts! No wonder you feel like a fraud.
So, here is your job. Change those statements. “You are trying to keep things together. You are working on patience. How do you keep striving to do better?”
Do those feel different to you?
These statements allow you to enjoy a compliment and celebrate your success — without expecting an unrealistic level of perfection. Choose to view yourself as a person who is continuing to develop. Offer yourself forgiveness for your mistakes as you hope for improvement.
Now, it's your turn. Spread the message. Share your stories, insights and experiences. Let go of the guilt, and enjoy the gift of motherhood!
Molly Freestone is a Life Coach focusing on motherhood, phase of life transitions, success in the home, and relationships. She offers coach-by-phone programs and delights in watching her clients create a satisfying life. www.mollyfreestone.com