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Enlightened

Please write down the following information: In 2013, there were 3,960 recorded incidents of people on the ground shining lasers at airplane cockpits.

If you are one of those people, go immediately to a telephone, call a neurosurgeon and request a lobotomy at his earliest convenience. If you don’t understand why it’s wrong to shine lasers at planes, just ask the doctor to remove the whole brain since you are obviously not using it.

Tuesday, the FBI announced a federal crackdown on the practice, offering a $10,000 reward for anyone reporting someone who points a laser at a plane or helicopter. The campaign is concentrating on population centers where the problem has been most serious: Portland, Houston, Los Angeles and — yep, we made it — Phoenix!

If further explanation is needed, laser light can temporarily blind a person. If that person happens to be piloting a plane, that’s not good! Good is recognizing grown-ups should not cause plane crashes. You’re making real progress.

I’m Pat McMahon.