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Oh Canada

Mom and Dad, may I ask you to gather the children together for this message? You’ve all been told countless times about the dangers of using recreational drugs: What they can do to your brain, your health and your reputation.

Recently, another compelling reason has been made for never participating in the use of any mind-altering substances: You could be elected mayor of Toronto!

Now, come on, be honest, even with all the bizarre characters in public office anywhere in the world, have you ever seen anything even close to Rob Ford? He’s the Willy Wonka of Weed, the Colossus of Crack, the Viscount of Vulgarity…and, he’s the mayor of Toronto!

That’s Canada — the politest country in the Western Hemisphere. Nobody in Canada gets into fights unless they’re on ice or in Toronto’s city council chambers.

He was actually asked by provincial officials not to attend a Toronto Argonauts football game. He went anyway.

He was fired as an assistant football coach at Toronto High. But, he may still find a place in the game he loves if he finally gets booted out of Toronto; there’s always a place for him in the Miami Dolphins organization — unless, of course, Richie Incognito comes back.

I’m Pat McMahon.