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Open letter to the IRS: Hi guys! This is Pat and I’d like to be your friend.

I just thought I would take a moment to call your attention to the fact that if you check my record of prompt payments, at no time does the personal information on my returns ever mention the words tea or party, separately or together.

I am now and always have been a coffee drinker, an American beverage, as opposed to any product beverage with Sir Thomas Lipton’s limey name attached to it.

As far as your interest in any other kind of party I have had any involvement in, none that I’ve paid for have ever been used as a business write-off. I sincerely hope that this clarifies any confusion there might have been considering my unflagging support for all you stand for.

I mean, who doesn’t like the IRS? On the trust meter, you folks have to be right at the top. After all, if you actually were ordered to play political favorites, why on earth would we want to trust you with our money.

I’m Pat McMahon.