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Crazy health warnings only build dependence

I feel under pressure to compete with all of the docs in the media who have discovered miracle cures or warn of surprise dangers in your environment such as tap water, unless it is electrified with energy from the Planet Krypton and sold at your local health food store on Cave Creek and 345th Ave.

It may not be good enough anymore to get on the radio and encourage, diet, exercise, prayer and spirituality, along with relaxation and self-discipline. We are starting the new era of natural remedies as a way of life, the natural pharmacy which is no different than prescription pharmaceuticals because it inspires dependence.

I heard of a plant being sold locally that removes all desire for success, efficiency, self-respect and creativity, but it guarantees that you will become part of any available bureaucracy. I have been told that if I advertise it on my show, I will get a federal small business subsidy thanks to the Fair Disincentives Act of 2012. Now that plant will go over big!

Maybe I can compete with Mehmet’s cures, Dr. Bob’s remedies for every senior that still breathes and calls for free advice from a chiropractor and Dr. Joe Mercola’s warning about every possible surprise secret danger in something you eat, drink, breathe, touch, smell, think about, read about or have fantasized about, like the dangers of thinking about sex while in your car on weekends before lunch when it rains.

They are running out of miracles and dangers to keep your attention while you are running out of time to take responsibility for your health, instead of investing in another pill, even if it is natural!