This might be the most amazing feat in human history, if it were an actual report.
According to Tweak Town, North Korea has claimed it landed a man on the sun.
As in the star of our solar system. As in the massive (more than 100 times the size of Earth) ball of thermonuclear fusion that lights our planet, the one that burns at nearly 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit.
As in a fake report that went viral, but it was entertaining.
Obviously this is impossible (read: it never actually happened), but North Korea, ever outsmarting science, found a workaround: Send 17-year-old astronaut Hong Il Gong to the sun at 3 a.m., when it’s dark out! Because that will protect him from a massive ball of fire.
A North Korean central news anchorman said during a live broadcast: “We are very delighted to announce a successful mission to put a man on the sun. North Korea has beaten every other country in the world to the sun. Hung Il Gong is a hero and deserves a hero’s welcome when he returns home later this evening.”
It only took Gong about four hours to make it there and he is expected back this evening, where he’ll be greeted by his uncle and North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un. He also is bringing home samples of sun spots as a souvenir.
I guess they don’t have T-shirt stands on the sun. Darn. Just like I hoped this report was actually real. Darn again.
We imagine the flight, if it would have been “real,” went something like this:
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