Families don’t have to freak out when kids go away for college

PHOENIX – A Valley life coach has some advice for kids going off to college for the first time — and their parents, who can be just as freaked out.

It can be a scary time, but that’s natural, Tempe’s Kenny Weiss told KTAR News 92.3 FM on Thursday. But there are ways to reduce the fears.

“Just the way our brain works anytime something is new, it immediately triggers a part of our brain that makes us afraid,” he said.

“It’s a natural human reaction for both parents and children to basically freak out.”

One of the keys to coping with fear is understanding what it is. Weiss said it can be broken down into three categories: rejection, inadequacy and powerlessness.

Powerlessness can be the biggest concern for parents.

“They’ve lost control over their son or daughter, and that’s their biggest fear,” Weiss said.

Instead of worrying about losing control, parents should work on empowering their kids.

“The role for the parent is to become a consultant. It’s less about giving orders and more about questions,” he said.

Also, parents should look at the emptier nest as a way to spread their wings.

“Instead of getting your validation and power from the children, start investigating your own life,” he said.

“It’s a wonderful opportunity to add hobbies and things into your life to enrich your life instead of being so hyperfocused on your children.”

Both parents and kids can cope with fears of rejection by focusing on interests such as sports and hobbies rather than seeking validation from others.

“The biggest mistake parents make is they try and hold on and not allow the child to made decisions and navigate this next phase of their life,” he said.

“The more power you can give them to learn how to make decisions and use their critical thinking skills … that’s the most loving thing you can do for them in this transitional stage that they’re heading into.”

KTAR News 92.3 FM’s Griselda Zetino contributed to this report.

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