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Comedian parodies Phoenicians in video ahead of Phoenix shows

PHOENIX — “It’s a dry heat.”

Every Phoenician knows the phrase because nearly everyone who lives here has said it — to a family member, to a friend, to anyone who voiced hesitation about visiting the Valley in exchange of facing the triple-digit temperatures.

But true Phoenicians know the heat doesn’t have anything on us, just like comedian JP Sears showed in his latest “Ultra Spiritual Life” episode.

Sears, posing as a “fictional character,” poked some fun at Phoenix people, with the importance we place on golf, how our schedules adjust in the summer and how we deal with heat exhaustion.

“Whenever it’s 113 degrees and my face is melting off, the good people of Phoenix remind me that it’s a dry heat and therefore I’m not hot. Such a wise perspective. Fire is a dry heat, too, so now I understand that fire is actually not hot. #PhoenixLogic,” Sears said.

“Snowbirds are like soldiers who didn’t go through basic training. They’re just soft and weak, and they’re certainly not Phoenicians in my book.”

“Speaking of my book, I always go to Changing Hands bookstore so I can stay inside reading most of the day.”

“But I do get outside — in the summer months, I get all my outdoor activities in between the hours of 3:30 and 5 a.m. I’m quite the outdoorsman.”

“A couple hundred exquisite golf courses? Yes please. Golf is synonymous with me throwing my back out, so naturally I’m golfing every chance I get. After putting on half a gallon of sunscreen, I can easily almost grip my clubs with my greased-up hands. Golf is such a metaphor for life, isn’t it? A very prestigious metaphor, that basically leaves me sunburnt, frustrated and convinced that I just need a new set of clubs.”

“Scottsdale is where I go to hangout with ultra-rich people who have mansions built into the sides of mountains. And this helps me feel worse about myself, while I can’t help but picture horrific avalanches.”

“I’m always up for a cheeky little hike up Camelmilk Mountain. Milkback Mountain? Brokeback Mountain? Camelback Mountain, that’s the one. Once in a while, when I’m crushing a hike on Camelback Mountain, a friend has the nerve to pass out from heat exhaustion! I remind him that it’s a dry heat and he has no right to be hot and his heat-induced medical condition goes away when he hears my words of wisdom. #PhoenixLogic strikes again.”

Even though Sears’ words may have struck a cord with some Phoenicians, he meant it all in good fun.

Sears is actually a life coach and internet comedian who is known for his satirical parodying of so-called hippy topics with the “Ultra Spiritual Life” video series.

The video — which has been viewed more than 27,000 times since it was uploaded on Sunday — was a promotion for his comedy shows at Stand Up Live in downtown Phoenix.

Sears will be performing at 7:30 p.m. on Friday and at 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. on Saturday. Tickets can be purchased here.

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