Parents going through divorce need to explain situation to children
Apr 18, 2016, 5:00 AM
Divorce can be tough for parents, but kids need special attention.
“It’s really important, first and foremost, for the divorcing parents to meet together and discuss the details of what life is going to be like after this divorce,” said Christina Jimenez, licensed family therapist with Doorways in Phoenix.
Parents need to be on the same page about what they’re going to discuss with their children, and they need to both take responsibility for the divorce, she said.
“They need to be a unified front before they even approach the child,” she said.
Parents tend to not be on good terms during a divorce, but it is important not to surprise kids, or be unprepared with the issue.
“When you have that conversation, create a sense of ‘felt safety’, so have it in a place where they feel safe,” she said. “I would also suggest having maybe grandparents there, so that they have a support team.”
Parents need to be prepared for emotional reactions, she said.
“They need to be prepared to answer questions, and then they need to realize that that child is going to go through a grieving process,” she said.
It’s not the same as a parent dying, it’s now a parent doesn’t live here anymore, “but it still needs to be grieved like any other loss,” she said.
If the child is incredibly reactive, taking it out on themselves, taking it out on other people or having unusual problems at school or elsewhere, maybe consider counseling.
“I honestly think if a family is going through a divorce, it’s not terrible to seek therapy,” Jimenez said.
Just for a few sessions through the transition, so the child knows they have a safe place to talk about the divorce.