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Thanks goodness I wasn't on the Forbes 400

Well there it is: the Forbes 400. The list of the 400 wealthiest people in America.

I have scoured that list and did not find my name. I scour that list each year when it arrives and, each year, I suffer the same disappointment. They never mention me or, for that matter, you. We didn't make the Forbes 400 list again.

I always read the professions of those whose names appear. Perhaps a new occupation I could pursue is one that is guaranteed to produce the billions that it takes to make the list. Let's see...create Microsoft? Nope, already taken. How about start Wal-Mart? Hmmm, already done.

Wait, I'll sell books on line, I'll call it Amazon.com, that's it! What? Jeff Bezos already did that? Did he get the idea from me?

I noticed that hedge fund managers are frequently mentioned. A hedge fund, that doesn't sound complex. It deals with landscaping, how difficult can that be?

Knock knock. "Hi, I'm Jay Lawrence, I notice your hedge is overgrown, will you fund the trimming of your hedge?"

As I read the list, I wondered if there is a certain amount of jealousy. John Paul DeJoria is tied with eight others for the 92nd spot on the list. Does he seek to improve his $4 billion and step away from the others? Does he wake up each morning, plotting ways to help the other seven lose a certain amount so that he is alone in 92nd place?

And what about Larry Ellison -- number three with $41 billion -- is he angry or envious, that Warren Buffet is number two with $46 billion? Does Ellison look around the mansion and see what he can sell that would bring him up to at least a tie for second?

These are the questions that assail me each year when the Forbes list of the 400 richest Americans finds it's way to my computer. How can I better myself, how can I, by next year, make that list?

Then I remember the old saying money does not buy happiness, and I break out in tears of joy, thankful that, once again, Forbes has ignored Jay Lawrence.

About the Author


Jay Lawrence is a "true" conservative believing that less government is better government. Jay graduated from Columbia College in Chicago and went to WJPS in Evansville Indiana. Then on to bigger and better, Peoria. Illinois. Jay made it to Dallas, Los Angeles, Chicago, New York and Cleveland before coming to KTAR. Lawrence enjoys all sports and has played most, but has been a baseball fan above all and enjoys the Diamondbacks particularly when they win, tolerates the team when they lose. Favorite memories are opening day for Major League Baseball in the Valley and sitting in row three along third-base line when the D- backs won the World Series. One other memory he'll always carry with him, the time he spent with the Beatles and stood outside a nightclub finding dates for the Fab Four in Cleveland. Lawrence's musical tastes are eclectic, from classical to rap with country thrown in. He'd be just as likely to attend a Phoenix Symphony concert or ballet as he would a George Strait concert.

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